Black Friday Fairy Tales: Red Hood Crisis

“This evidence could be crucial for our victory”, leprechaun Sheldon said.

“Would you be kind enough to share how have you come in possession of this?”

“It is a bit private matter. I would rather not speak of it”, Seymour replied.

“I locked everything”, Harmony appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Good girl. Pour us two glasses of whiskey”, said lawyer.

“I’d rather not. Soon I will be going home.”

“And your mother can smell alcohol a mile away. I understand. Nevertheless, let your glass be full in case you change your mind. Let’s get to business now. We have strong evidence that will make God guilty in the eyes of every jury. But in order to get compensation, you must know exactly what are you doing. What do you want to sue God for?”

“Well… You know… For the usual stuff”, Seymour said hesitantly.

“What usual stuff?”

“Seymour stuff”, he mumbled.

Leprechaun forced himself on a few little short coughs. “Everybody wants to sue God for their own stuff. You need to be more specific so I can put you in a group.”

“But I don’t want to be part of any group. I am an individual. And that is how I want to press charges against God”, Seymour said.

“Unfortunately, that is not the available option. This is a democracy and you need to make a choice about who you are and where you belong to. Else what you do or say won’t matter.”

“But I just said that I.”

“Take our little Harmony for example”, leprechaun ignored his words. “For centuries, on dozens and dozens of places, every day, she was forced to wear the red-hood and carry cookies to her granny.”

“And I got tired of it!”, the little girl exclaimed while handing the glass of whiskey to Seymour.

“And how could she not!”, leprechaun yelled and dropped his palm onto the table. “Living with mother for centuries. Carrying cookies!”

“Feeding my senile granny! Pushing her jaw back! Nowhere in fairytale do I see how they speak of me wiping the saliva that spills out of that old cow’s mouth after hunter leaves and the door closes!”

“Say nothing about the will!”, leprechaun added.

“O will! Oh my God! When she starts nagging about will, threatening that she will exclude me and leave her house to the church I get this close! But I am telling you I get this close from going to the kitchen, taking a pestle and crushing her skull with it!”

“Can’t blame her. You know how old people are… And she needs to separate from her mother. Have a space of her own.”

“And that old sheep is going to live forever too!”

“For her, and her beautiful strong hunter.”

“Whaaaat! No! No way! That winky good for nothing idiot isn’t gonna come and live at my place! Tell me what to do or say! Force me to cook! No way!”

“She is in love with wolf”, leprechaun explained.

“I’m in love with nobody! But at least if it was up to wolf, I would have that house for myself a long time ago! All I have ever asked from the hunter was to let the wolf take his after-lunch nap and leave! But no! He always must be the hero who saves the day!”

“And say nothing of her spine injury!”, leprechauns added.

“Yes! Do you think I am a little girl?! After all this time!? From all that towing baskets full of cookies I injured my spine and stopped my growth! God!”

“And no one even remembered her name! They call her by what she wears. So, Seymour, like you, our little Harmony has its own problems. Giants have theirs.”

“What’s their problem?!”, Seymour asked.

“They are suing God for making such big things out of something that isn’t real. They are angry. To be given size, strength, immortality and then striped all of their importance by making them imaginary!”

“That’s not what they are suing him for”, Harmony interfered.

“O yes. My bad”, the lawyer said fumbling through the pile of papers in front of him. “Yes, here it is. They are suing him for letting Jack steel their golden chicken… Which apparently resulted in the crash of their gold market. So the Harmony, giants, sleeping beauty and others are classed as ‘Company from Fairy Tales, Imaginations and Subconscious Creations Party’. Others, however, belong to the suing party called The Real Rest. We need to establish which one are you?”

“Well… What is the real rest?”

“Everything ‘Company from Fairy Tales, Imaginations and Subconscious creations party’ is not.”

“Briefly explained, real things”, said Harmony.

“Then I belong there. The real rest.”

“Not so fast big boy”, leprechaun said: “You need to answer some questions first and then we will establish what you are and what you are not. Ready?”


Author: Nikola Misovic

Instagram: nikolamisovic239

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