Black Friday Fairy Tales – Sue God?

When he decided to press charges against God, Seymour knew that he could not afford it. At least not by a regular New York price for decent lawyers. He needed to pursue a large discount that would allow the cost of services lowering down to the modest ranges of high-school history professor’s salaries. And was there a better day for that then the Black Friday? Especially the one that was coming.

Some of the shopping malls had announced that in the first shopping hour, merchandise will be given for free. This resulted in people filling entrances and parking lots with tents, tables, and chairs. Tents were for sleeping while the chairs and tables were brought for Thanksgiving celebration. As one of the tv speakers commented: “You can express gratitude while waiting in a row.” Many workers were fired from their jobs. “But who needs a salary when large thin tv-s are given for free?”, the question echoed throughout the public. The predictions of large riots circled over social media. Even rumors of the military going onto the streets started to emerge as Black Friday was drawing closer. Seymour didn’t care for that. Ques for lawyers grew large a few days after the shopping buzz. That’s when people start to sue each-other for fighting, product ripping and other similarities in the spirit of the black day. He will manage to press charges while the low costs last. As for waiting in row, he could be amongst the first people to arrive if he would come and set a tent in front of the office just a few days earlier. But first, a right lawyer had to be found.

At the end of October, Seymour started visiting legal offices. He was discouraged at first because all of them stated that it is extremely hard, some had even used the term impossible, to draw’s God’s attention these days. Nobody was even willing to look inside the little red box he would hand over claiming that it holds the indisputable pieces of evidence that would make this an easy case. Instead, they would bring up proposals of pressing charges against some churches or similar tangible representatives. “Because, in the end, who knows if God even exists.” And just when he was at the edge of giving up, destiny got involved.

It was Halloween eve. Seymour was heading home from school. As he entered his street children in costumes crawled all around him shouting: “Trick or treat.” He barely held himself from cursing for in his neighborhood he was known as a decent person and professor. Forcing the smile to turn his straight lips into the arc he would stop for a moment or two, say: “I have nothing. Sorry”, and then, after short shrugging, continue forward. At some moment, a short boy in a green leprechaun costume with skin painted with black color approached him from the side. With visibly discordant moves he pulled a small piece of paper from the brown sack attached to his hips and pushed it into Seymour’s pal and ran away. It was a green visit card with golden letters over it: “If you want to sue God, I am your lad.”

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